Greetings. I am new.
I was religionless and faithless and atheist for most of my life. I got into drug use and found myself addicted. I came to see my cycle of depression and drug use as a demon, or like a demon, in the sense that I was compelled toward a life that was harmful and deluded even when I didn't want to; a life that almost ended more than once but for coincidence, or luck, or God. Anyway, at one point, I was visited by two beings who I can explain (rationalize) as simply ordinary mortals (an old 'friend', and a cat) but who operated, at least in my view, for that night as spiritual beings. One spoke words to me that I had thought (feared) he would say earlier that evening - words in the exact, on a topic (a threat) that was very specific and unusual. The thought had just come to me and then when he said those words, my ability to rationalize by science or coincidence was overthrown and my mind was blown. After spending time with him and getting back into my room where I'd suffered depression and drug addiction for so long, I began feeling incredible despair and planned to kill myself. Though I didn't want to, I felt compelled to, like it was my only option left. But then, at the right moment, my cat, who had never before warmed up to me, walked into my room (pushing the door open, in fact) and sat on my lap and, well, I don't know how to describe it but I suddenly felt this incredible joy and peace. I realized that while my rational mind was no longer the all powerful tool I had always thought, and although there were evil beings about which I could not explain, there was also this force of goodness I could also not explain, a force that wanted me to stay in this mortal world and had sent this messenger, and perhaps also the other. It was wonderful. I came later to identify this loving power as God, but there my knowledge ends. I've studied scriptures of every religion I can get my hands on, the writings of Aleister Crowley, gnostic and mystic texts, all because I have this desire to know what to do with my life now. And that's largely why I'm posting here. I'd like some guidance. What should I do? To understand, and to know, and to live a life that was spared? The last thing I want to do is live contrary to the wishes of God, but I can't claim to understand what God wants, so I am being very careful and cautious.
Sorry for this infodump, but I'm a really confused sort and mostly just want to be less confused. I want Truth, as you may help me to understand it. And so I'll continue reading, but as for me, I still don't know what path, if any, is the path I should walk.